[Time to read: 4 minutes]
I woke up early and excited, ready to meet Dijon, who was to film, at The Box Shop and start shooting the Ascension Kickstarter video. I eat breakfast, kiss my partner goodbye, and walk to the street to get in my car and drive away like any other day.
Except my car wasn't there. I look around, think real hard about where I left it, and after a minute or so let out a chuckle and sigh... "Of course this happens TODAY of all days". I went back inside, hopped into bed with my partner, and she looked at me with a bit of bewilderment and inquired about my quick return...
"My car was stolen."
"WHAT?!"
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
With only 7 days before launching the Kickstarter we had no extra time to get the video shot, edited, and finalized. With my car being stolen I had no idea how we'd make this happen: I was in Oakland, I had to wait for the police to come by, and in two hours we were scheduled shoot in San Francisco. I didn't know what to do.
“This entire project scares the SHIT out of me.”
The truth is, deep down, this entire project scares the shit out of me. The thought of being in any kind of spotlight and the potential for everyone to see my failures is terrifying, and it always has been. Because of this deep seated fear, I often have the desire - subconsciously - to look for any excuse to stop. My car getting stolen fed into this perfectly. So, I pulled out my phone, pulled up Dijon's text thread, and typed a reasonable cancellation so I could just deal with the police and my car (or lack thereof).
However, over time as I've worked through my pain, I've learned to slow down and sit with these fears before following through on them. I paused. I relaxed. I felt a little deeper, into my heart...
"don't cancel, just wait and see what happens".
So we waited... and waited. In my mind, I'm thinking there's no way the police will get here within a few hours, because bureaucracy, right? After 30 minutes, I start to get antsy and think about canceling again. I pull out my phone, and as I'm about to open the Messages app, I get a call.
"Hi, this is Jeremy."
"Hello, this is officer so and so, I'm outside."
At this point my confidence begins to build. I go outside to meet a pleasant older officer. I answered some questions, we talked and laughed, and she was on her way. There was nothing more I could do, so instead of letting anxiety get the best of me like my younger self might have, I breathe, relax, and focus on bringing positive energy to the video shoot.
Luckily, getting to San Francisco wasn't a problem. My partner had a to-do list to tackle that day, but since she's awesome, she let me take her car anyway. I leave, expecting the typical awful Bay Bridge traffic since it was a weekday morning, but somehow I got to San Francisco with almost no slow down.
My car was gone and I had no idea whether I'd see it or my stuff inside again, but I made it. I was relaxed, excited, and ready to shoot. It took some patience, but things were finally flowing again.
Written and taken this morning during a meditative run in San Francisco's John McLaren Park
Now, three weeks after my car was stolen and 6 days before the Ascension Kickstarter is over, I sit here in a Mission cafe writing this instead of worrying about whether we'll pull through and raise the final 25% of our [crazy] $35,000 goal.
And the truth is, I'm not worried. Not because I think we'll make it - I honestly have no idea what's going to happen. The reason why I'm not worried is because throughout this whole process the only thing I've truly cared about is whether the energy I'm putting into every thought, word, and action is coming from my Heart.
It was acting from my Heart that gave me the courage to leave my company in our prime after 4.5 years with no plan other than to "flow", it was acting from my Heart that led to the conception of Ascension, it was acting from my Heart that inspired me to turn that dream into a reality, and when that dream was in jeopardy, it was acting from the Heart that helped me find flow after my car was stolen.
This morning, during a beautiful run through John McLaren Park, I had a moment of clarity and these words flowed through:
“Are you following your Heart?
Are you being your BEING?
Are you flowing with the tides of The Universe?
Or are you forcing it? Are you worried about tomorrow? Are you doing what you THINK you’re supposed to do instead of what you, the real deep down YOU, KNOW you’re to do?
Success is not what matters.
The outcome is not what matters.
How FAR you go is not what matters.
What matters...
Is simply...
HOW you go.”
When we act from the Heart, we act from a foundation of love and are connected to Truth. This is all that can ever be expected of us. It doesn't matter whether we "succeed" or "fail" at something - what matters is WHO we are BEING each step of the way.
This entire experience has been one of the most challenging I've ever faced, but the challenges have nothing to do with building a sculpture or raising money. The challenges - the real tests - have been in how I act when I'm forced to face my deeply rooted fears. Can I stay in my Heart and flow, or will I succumb to the old habit patterns lying deep in my subconscious?
The next 6 days are sure to be both challenging and exciting as we chase down the last $9,000. If you haven't seen the Ascension Kickstarter video we made that day, check it out here. If you've seen it already, now you know the context that it was made under. And, if you'd like to help make Ascension a reality and are in a position financially to make a donation, please consider - every dollar counts!
Now, time for dinner :-P